Shape it, accept it and let it go
Who else is struggling with an inner critic that magnifies all imperfections?
How often did you tell yourself, “I’m such an idiot,” after you missed a deadline or made a mistake?
The bad news: it will never go away. Your inner critic is here to keep your standards high and expect some success.
But the good news is: you can shape it and get used to it.
Every person has an inner critic, even Taylor Swift, Oprah, Bill Gates, or Ed Sheeran. But they choose to grow beyond it and not listen to the negative voice in themselves.
At some point, the inner critic can turn to an inner motivator or stay quiet.
Where does it come from?
It’s ingrained in us throughout our childhood and teenage years. Our experiences form the inner critic.
- our parents
- authority figures
- high standards
- failures
Every inner critic is different because everyone is living a different life.
I struggled with accepting my introversion because my teachers gave me a lower grade for not speaking in class. My inner critic told me I would never be successful because I’m quiet.
So I focused on learning about psychology and improving myself because I wasn’t good enough to get an A.
Hearing this repeatedly ingrained the beliefs:
- “I’m not good enough.”
- “I will not be successful because I’m quiet.”
The first step to quieting your inner critic is figuring out where it comes from.
What were striking experiences in your young life shaping your self-confidence?
- Take a moment and write down everything that comes to mind.
- Think about it for a few days.
- Be conscious of when your inner critic shows up:
Why now? What triggered it?
How to live with the inner critic
As I wrote at the beginning of this story: your inner critic will never leave.
It has a valuable function too: it helps you cope with traumas and failures and should prevent you from getting into deadly situations.
But most of the time we don’t need it.
The biggest mistake you can make is fighting it. It will make the inner critic more present in your life than you want to.
Instead of fighting your inner negative thoughts and beliefs, let’s work on changing them to positive ones or letting them go.
- As soon as you know why you have a negative belief, you can work on releasing it:
Accepting someone’s words as their opinion and not as defining ones for you - Changing a negative experience to a positive one:
People mobbing me as a child haunted me but now I’m glad they did; otherwise, I would’ve stayed in my hometown forever - Letting go of high expectations:
Accepting life as it comes and trusting the universe will get you what you are destined for. You give your best, and that’s what matters. - Realizing your parents (the grownups you looked up to) aren’t perfect either:
As a child, we believe grownups know it all and believe everything they say. - Add more positive thoughts to your life:
Tell yourself positive affirmations and write down 3 things you’re grateful for daily
For the next few weeks, I want you to be conscious of your thoughts.
- What is the inner critic telling you?
- Accept the opinion.
- Question if it’s true.
- Be grateful for trying to prevent you from something.
And then release the thought, and do it anyway!
I’m currently struggling to get up in the morning. I get up later than I want, I have less time for writing online, and my inner critic is attacking me. This is not helping me write faster or have a calm morning.
So what am I doing? Researching the inner critic and writing about it.
My biggest struggle is letting go of my high expectations. I want to be the greatest and most perfect person. I’m stressing myself a lot without having any stress per se.
Even though I’ve been working on letting go of my expectations for years now, it can be a daily struggle sometimes. And I will always have those seasons of struggle.
What we can do:
Accepting it
Jen Gottlieb is talking about putting the critic in the passenger’s seat.
With the strategies I wrote about, you will be able to take over the driver’s seat of your life.
You have the power to change your life.
You have the power to choose where your car is going in the future.
You accept what you cannot change. And change what you can.
Start being productive now!
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