Overcoming the Fear of Opening Up: How I Learned to Trust Again

Best reward: finding like-minded people

Today I’m gonna share some vulnerable stories with you. They still keep me up at night and my walls up when meeting new people.

I thought I was closed off and distant to new people because I was mobbed in school and couldn’t trust easily anymore.

But as I’m learning more and more about introversion, it seems like I’m not the only one. It’s a characteristic a lot of introverts share.

It could be because most of us got disappointed by someone we loved at some point during childhood or when falling in love for the first time.

It’s human not to trust someone from the beginning.

It’s an automatic behavior we needed thousands of years ago when meeting new people or experiencing something we didn’t know yet. A healthy cautiousness.

But in our fast-paced world made for extroverts, there’s this pressure to network and talk about everything immediately.

We seem distant or arrogant if we aren’t open to deep conversations right from the start.

This is a perspective we need to change.

What I learned in the last years of going out of my comfort zone and growing my confidence:

thinking negatively about myself doesn’t help anyone
most people are trustworthy
it’s the best feeling to open up and find like-minded people

Here’s what I learned:

Thinking negatively about myself doesn’t help anyone

I limited myself for a long time because I thought, “I’m just not good at talking with people” and “I need some time to warm up.”

The last years of networking and partying with friends showed me it’s not true.

My brain was focused on the negative:

rethinking and judging every word I said
rethinking and judging every move I made
what I could’ve done better
envying everyone else who seems “to get it”

That’s not healthy and doesn’t help anyone.

You would think you recognize these negative and limiting thoughts fast, but if you think you’re your thoughts, it can take years or decades.

For everyone to remember:

YOU ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS!

Putting myself down after every social event because I wasn’t perfectly social was the biggest waste of time in my 20s.

Thinking negatively about yourself isn’t helping anyone.

Whenever you catch yourself doing it, find something positive instead. This will counteract your thoughts and will help your brain remember the good things too.

At the last networking event, my brain froze at the beginning, but instead of putting myself down and thinking negatively about myself the rest of the evening, I kept going.

I’m proud of taking the opportunity and introducing myself to many people.

Most people are trustworthy

Actually, I haven’t met anyone I couldn’t trust yet. But I know I tend to be naive and believe in the good in people, so I would say most people are trustworthy.

Not everyone is reliable or a good fit for you.

And it’s something you have to accept.

There are many good people out there, but not everyone will like you, and vice versa.

My fear of talking with people came from my childhood trauma of being mobbed and not trusting anyone anymore. The fear of rejection and disappointment was huge.

But moving to a new city without knowing anyone pushed me to meet new people and I realized people aren’t that bad.

I overcame my fear and found amazing people!

It’s the best feeling to open up and find like-minded people

Getting out there, meeting new people, and then finding like-minded people to talk for hours with is the best feeling ever.

It’s not easy to open up for introverts, but trust me, it’s worth it.

I recently listened to a podcast with a charisma teacher, and he said it’s important to open up and be authentic.

You don’t have to talk about the weather if you don’t want to. Try moving the conversation to a topic you want to talk about.

Introverts don’t like small talk anyway. Your strength is in the deep conversations.

He said instead of answering the same way: “I’m working as a … at company…“, you can add little hints to the topics like “I’m working as a …. remotely and I’m usually somewhere else every month and visiting conferences all around the country…”

Whatever you are passionate about or want to connect with, just sprinkle it into the conversation, and the other person will find a hook if they are interested in this topic too.

The risk of being rejected or failing to connect with someone is worth it to find like-minded people who can become best friends, business partners, or the best relationship you’ve ever had.

Conclusion

It’s a step out of your comfort zone to meet someone new and connect, but I’m glad I did it every time.

My fears were just negative, limiting beliefs trying to protect me after being hurt as a child. But now I need to make new memories and show my brain that other people aren’t that bad.

Overcoming my negative thoughts and realizing most people are trustworthy was a big step in the right direction.

Get out there and find like-minded people to have amazing conversations!

It’s worth it!

And that’s exactly what my online course “Network Confidently as an Introvert” is about: networking.

It will help you find the meaningful connections you’re craving for in less than 3 months.

Socializing will feel easy and enjoyable!

Get it now!