Embrace your introverted strengths
I was always nervous at conversations because, at some point, I just couldn’t think of anything to talk about. It’s like my brain freezes and I can’t think straight anymore. This is normal for introverts because we process so many things at the same time when we’re socializing.
Our brain is overwhelmed.
It’s frustrating because the conversation gets awkwardly silent even though we are both interesting people.
Like everything in life, networking and talking take practice to get good at.
After a few networking events with awkward conversations and trying to be extroverted by rudely interrupting I got the hang of it.
The secret: people love talking about themselves or their passion.
Instead of trying to say smart things, let’s embrace the strengths of introverts.
- prepare
- listen and observe
- ask interesting questions
Prepare, prepare, prepare!
One of your strengths is being good at preparing. Introverts love being prepared and planning.
Use this and prepare before every socializing.
- check out the location (online)
- prepare introduction questions and topics based on the event (tip: write it on a cheat sheet you can bring)
- research some people who are gonna be there (but don’t be a stalker)
- put on confident clothes
- have a full tank of energy
- get in a confident mood
- set a goal
Preparing yourself is mostly about preparing your brain mentally to be in its best state. You are giving your brain the input it would get in the situation to process beforehand.
And you are getting yourself into a state of being confident. Put on your favorite good-looking clothes and power pose before.
Stand in front of the mirror and pose like supergirl!
Studies showed your body influences how you feel and behave. It’s called postural feedback.
Use it to feel more confident by powerposing before and keeping your posture straight while networking!
Listen and observe
Other strengths introverts have are being good listeners and observers. It’s nothing new because people think we’re weird. After all, we just listen and observe sometimes.
I think it makes us more connected to the present and people.
And we need that in our loud, distracting world.
Introverts tend to be overwhelmed in conversations because they try to think of what to say next that sounds good. But that’s counterproductive because then you don’t listen and can’t find some point to use for the answer.
Stay calm, listen, and observe!
People love talking about themselves, and they feel good when someone listens for once.
Listen to find topics to ask questions about.
Observe to find out how they feel about the topic.
By being fully present listening and observing, you’ll find topics to talk about.
Ask questions instead of trying to look good
Don’t be afraid to ask stupid questions: people love to look good and smart!
I always thought I needed to find the best questions to ask, or else they wouldn’t see how smart I was.
The consequence: my brain froze and couldn’t formulate any sentences. The conversation got awkward, and I looked stupid.
You don’t need to talk about yourself immediately after they talk about their stories; you can ask questions instead.
Make the conversation about them!
Listen, observe and ask questions!
Imagine the person in front of you is the most interesting person in the world.
Some questions you can ask:
- How did you do that?
- What was the motivation to do that?
- Can you explain … a bit more?
- Why did you choose …?
- Are you happy with …?
- Where can I find …?
Instead of trying to think of the next best question and not listening, listen intensely and find the next question in the words they are saying.
Please don’t make it feel like an interrogation. Add some of your opinions and stories to your questions too.
Continuing the conversation
Having a good conversation doesn’t mean you have to talk a lot or bring in your best knowledge: make it about the other person.
You don’t have to share your whole story or talk a lot when meeting someone for the first time. Do a little small talk and then let the other person talk.
Imagine the person being the most interesting person in the world!
And you’ll find questions to continue the conversation.
If you don’t, excuse yourself for a moment to go to the toilet, and then there are 2 options:
- you check your cheat sheet of questions and topics you brought and go back
- the person finds other people to talk to and you do too
Easy.
No, of course, it’s not easy for an introvert.
I still struggle with awkward conversations, even though I have a lot of practice.
Sometimes the connection just doesn’t match, and that’s okay.
A reminder I tell myself: every person is different, and not everyone will like you. Accept that, carry on, and find the ones that fit you!
Less Stress. More Time. Less Overwhelmed!
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