Let go of societal pressure and judgement
Everyone is getting judged based on the first impression.
We have to make an effort to get to know the other person, and not judge based on the first impression.
It’s an automatic mechanism in our brain: to put people and stuff in drawers, to sort them.
The brain needs it to understand and sort the world. This mechanism is here to figure out fast if we are in a situation that could kill us.
If we see a lion, we know immediately that he can kill us. The brain puts him in the drawer: dangerous animal.
It does the same with people and situations based on our experiences.
I had bad experiences as a child with loud people: so I put them in the drawer and think I don’t like them and stay away from them automatically.
And introverts are not good at first impressions because we need time to warm up and get used to people.
We are quiet, therefore we are…
- depressed
- mad
- sad
- bored
- indifferent
- shy
- arrogant
But we are not.
We are:
- thinking
- listening
- daydreaming
- observing
- waiting until you finish speaking
- plotting
- recharging
Question the general assumptions
Those general assumptions can be totally wrong. This is just your brain analyzing the situation based on your experiences.
Everyone has different ones.
Do you trust your experiences or are there other views you can analyze?
Our brain is prejudiced.
If you had a bad experience with a white, male and old boss: you will judge your new same-looking one based on that experience, even though he could be the best boss.
You judge him based on his first impression (his looks) and your experiences.
The automatic assumptions can help you escape a dangerous situation
But how often are you really in those? (Hopefully never)
Prejudices can prevent us from having great networking experiences, and deep talks with future friends. If you go out and meet different people, your view of the world will expand and so will your prejudices.
You are creating new and bigger drawers for your brain to sort the world. So next time they judge someone less negatively.
Let go of first impressions
It’s not easy to be open-minded after bad first impressions but we have to because our brains are not us and are not always right.
Question your thoughts and experiences!
You are not your thoughts. And your experiences are over.
You are now in the present, you cannot change the past, but you can decide what path to take in the future.
I know that I am not arrogant because I’m an introvert.
I care about people, I listen and I’m empathetic.
If I see another introvert I don’t think they are arrogant. I would be intrigued to learn more about them.
If you take the chance to get to know me, you will expand your view and your experiences.
I have friends from all around the world, and of course, I had those drawers based on the news I heard from their countries.
My friends in Mexico are having a normal life just like I do, no dangerous drug smuggling life (what crime series showed me).
My friend from Pakistan is a modern woman like I am, studying, introverted, and having the same views of self-improvement.
We are putting all the inhabitants of a country/race in one drawer with the news we hear from individuals. You cannot generalize a whole country based on one person.
I have friends from Ukraine and Russia, and they are not the same as the presidents or all the other refugees you see on TV. My friends are both fun, ambitious, and kind people.
And I would never judge them based on what I hear in the news.
(In general, watching the news is a bad way to establish prejudices)
Don’t limit yourself by the judgment of others
People will judge you. Just like you judge them.
You cannot change that.
But what you can change is how it affects your life and your decisions.
For a long time, all I thought about was: what do other people think of me?
- What do they expect me to say?
- What should I wear?
- …
I limited myself based on their judgment: I did what I thought society expected me to do.
What happened:
- I kept my head down
- I played small
- I had good grades
- I behaved how I thought I should
I didn’t know who I was and what I wanted.
I behaved based on my assumptions of what they expect from me. I had all the prejudices in my head which limited my real me.
Those limiting beliefs made me anxious all the time. I thought society limited me. But those beliefs are actually in MY head.
And I can change what’s in my head. As easy as it sounds: it’s that easy.
I chose to limit myself by believing society limits me.
Now I choose to release all those limits and make my decisions based on my unlimited future self.
Conclusion
You are you.
Exceptional.
It’s your life. Be yourself.
Don’t play the role they expect from you.
Play yourself.
A thousand years ago we would die if we didn’t fit into society. This time is over. You can buy food in the store every day.
This also means to be open to getting to know other people. To not judge based on the first impression.
Let’s have deep talks instead of small talk.
People will think you are weird because you are being your real you. Don’t give a f*ck.
It’s your life and you have to live with yourself until you die. Do you want to live with your authentic you, or some role you play for others?
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